Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists,
Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this lastest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we toleretaed each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two idealogical sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so lets just end it on freindly terms. We can smile and just chalk it up to irreconcilable diferences and go our own way.
Here is a model seperation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy!
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
You can keep the frauds that are Oprah Winfrey, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'donnell.
We will also keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the bibles, and give you Hollywood and NBC.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll reatin the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to the violence of the so called "peaceful" religion of Islam, the Scientologists, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You may also have the U N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's pick-up trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You cn give everyone health care, IF you can find any participating doctors. We'll continue to believe health care is a luxury not a right. We'll keep the battle hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Oh, we'll also be keeping our history, flag, and our name. Since these things so offend you.
In the spirit of freindly parting, I'll wager you ANWAR whom will need who's help in 15 years.
And one more thing:
I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!!
****
The preceding was brought to you by a law student named John J. Wall.
(and sent to me by my aunt Colleen.)
